Roseanne

Roseanne is looking forward to taking Darlene to college, but Darlene wants David to take her instead, hurting her mother's feeling in the process.

Roseanne makes a deal with Jackie, that if she asks Fred out, Roseanne will ask their mother to become a silent partner in the restaurant, and stay away. This hurts Beverly's feeling, and she swears not to have anything further to do with either one of them. Jackie and Fred go out; Fred wants to keep seeing Jackie, but she doesn't want to. Roseanne feels guilty about hurting her Mom, and wants her Mom to do something hurtful back to lessen her guilt. Beverly takes her up on it by selling her share of the diner to the last person Roseanne would have expected... or wanted.

Jackie and Roseanne plan a house-warming party for Jackie's new home, and attempt to hide it from their Mom. Roseanne invites Darlene home for the weekend with the agenda of getting David and Darlene back together. D.J. goes through a rebellious period, skipping school and enlisting Darlene's help to cover for him, making Roseanne determined for find out what he is up to. Fred pursues Jackie after their one-night-stand.

When Roseanne finds a bag of pot in David's room, she's angry---and worried about how Dan is going to react. Of course, he goes ballistic, until he realizes the stuff is a 20-year old relic of his and Roseanne's youth, inevitably, they roll a joint for old times' sake, and before you can say "like, wow," Dan, Roseanne and her sister, Jackie, are adrift in a Cheech-and-Chong time warp. At first, they have fun sneaking around like they did in the '70s, hoping not to get busted by their children, but then adult realities set in like a bad trip.

Trying to conceive another child, Roseanne puts Dan on a "love-making schedule", to no avail. Jackie discovers that she's pregnant from her one-night-stand with Fred, and is hesitant about telling him. Roseanne has no problem spreading Jackie's good news to their Mother, and their friends, but is stopped before she can tell Fred. To relieve the pressure and disappointment, Dan and Roseanne decide to stop actually trying to get pregnant, and let nature take it's course.

The Conner's gear up for their favorite holiday, with their traditional flare for trying to out-prank one another. Roseanne, the queen of Halloween, falls for the various elaborate pranks pulled on her by her family, for a change. Nancy is upset because she is painfully aware that Dan doesn't like her, so Roseanne sets out to convince her she is wrong by insisting that Dan pull a prank on Nancy, before Nancy sells her share of the diner to Leon.

Roseanne tries to encourage David to snap out of his moping about Darlene being away at school, and do something with his life, but it backfires when David decides to move back in with his Mom in Michigan. Darlene comes home for a visit to surprise David, but they wind up at each others' throats. D.J. is humiliated when the entire family figures out why he locks himself in the bathroom for long periods of time.

An old fling of Dan's, and old nemesis of Roseanne's from high school visits Dan at the City Garage, and invites him out to lunch. Jackie finds out from Fred, lies to Roseanne about where Dan is, confronts Dan at home later that evening, but believes him that it was only an innocent lunch. Unaware of how Dan spent his lunch hour, Roseanne confides in Jackie that Dan played hooky that afternoon, and the two of them had the best sex ever. Thanks to Jackie's inability to lie convincingly to Roseanne, she realizes that she has been lied to, forcing Dan to come clean about who he spent his lunch with. Enraged and humiliated, Roseanne walks out on Dan.

Following the Homecoming game, Dan holds a 25-year-reunion party for his former high school football team, begging his family to behave loving and happy for the duration. Becky and Mark come home for a visit after a long absence following their move. The two are fighting, and Becky contemplates leaving him. Roseanne invites Becky and Mark to move in so they can get on their feet financially. Darlene confides a secret she's keeping with her sister.

It's a Thanksgiving in a typical Connor family fashion. Becky volunteers to take over cooking duties while Dan and Mark are still at each others throats, Fred is shocked at the dysfunction of the family he may marry into, and Nana Mary reveals a long-kept secret about Bev's marriage.

Leon manipulates Nancy and Jackie into voting to serve breakfast at the diner, among other changes, without consulting Roseanne. Starved for attention, D.J. steals and wrecks the family car while joy-riding, causing a stressed-out Roseanne to lash out in a violent way that she quickly regrets. The power-play between Leon and Roseanne escalates, prompting Dan to have a talk with Leon about backing off. When Dan realizes that Roseanne is not just being paranoid where Leon is concerned, he steps aside, leaving Leon to Roseanne's mercy.

After receiving notice from the neighborhood association about not putting up tacky Christmas decorations on their property, the Conners go all out for a "white trash" Christmas. Dan and Roseanne offer Becky money to start college, but freak when she gives the money to her husband, Mark, to attend trade-school, forbidding her give it to him. Becky retaliates by refusing the money, taking a job in a Hooter's-like bar/restaurant, Bunz, to pay for Mark's school herself. When Beverly and D.J. drop in on Darlene unannounced, D.J. discovers a secret that Darlene has been keeping from the family. Dan teaches Mark secrets of a happy marriage.

Roseanne decides to join the Lanford Women's Association to develop contacts for her restaurant, especially since Leon is opposed to her being the one to do it. In an effort to suck-up, Roseanne makes D.J. play with one of the member's weird son, Elijah. Dan discovers that, instead of going to school every evening, Mark has been going to the Lobo Lounge because he dropped out, and didn't want Becky to know. In a special cameo skit at the end, the famous "Luke" and "Laura", from "General Hospital", compare hardships with Dan and Roseanne.

Darlene is fed up with David, who has been secretly living with her for months instead of his mother in Michigan, as Dan and Roseanne believe, but feels guilty for constantly having to lie to her parents. A miserable Becky unfairly blames Roseanne for Mark walking out on her. Tired of being blamed for the whole mess, Roseanne tries to get Mark to patch things up with Becky, seeking him out at his friend's apartment. Roseanne discovers the truth about where David is from Mark's confused roommate, prompting her to go to Chicago, and drag David home with her, but lies to Dan about why David is back in the house.

Roseanne and Becky try to convince Dan to hire Mark at the city garage. Riddled with guilt (and tired of Roseanne working him like a dog), David confessed to Dan that he was living with Darlene in Chicago instead of his mother's in Michigan. Furious, Dan throws him out of the house, telling Roseanne to take him to the bus station and send him to Michigan for real, but she takes him to Jackie's instead. Roseanne goes on a mission to guilt Dan into taking David back. Jackie is upset when she discovers that, with Roseanne's help, Fred has been sneaking financial support for the baby into her tip jar, since she wants nothing to do with him.

Darlene comes home to try to convince her father to let David move back in the house "from Michigan", without success. After catching David making out in the basement with Darlene, Dan finds out that he was lied to by his family once again, discovering that not only did David not go to his mother's in Michigan when Dan threw him out, but that he was staying with Jackie... and that Roseanne was responsible. Darlene joins David at Jackie's house, to get away from her angry father. Jackie gets irritated when people keep asking her to leave the room, in her own house, when they want to talk out their problems.

Since Jackie has made it very clear that Fred is not welcome to be a part of their baby's life, Fred retaliates with plans to sue Jackie for custody after the birth, which throws Jackie into hysterics. Fighting over whether Fred has the right to force himself into his baby's life, split the men and women of the Conner house. Roseanne learns that Dan put the idea in Fred's head, which puts him under the doghouse. Mark and D.J. gang up on David to challenge his masculinity, or lack there of.

Nancy introduces her new girlfriend, Sharon, to Roseanne and Jackie. Sharon invites them to go out dancing with she and Nancy at a gay bar, and winds up giving Roseanne a romantic kiss. This freaks Roseanne out, but she has a hard time figuring out why. Jackie is openly uncomfortable about people assuming she might be gay, which prompts an amused Roseanne to behave like they are a couple.

Jackie tells Roseanne that Fred wants to be in the delivery room, and the hospital will only allow one extra person to be with her. When Jackie realizes that she is in labor, Roseanne puts off calling Fred to let him know, in hopes that she will get to be the one who stays with Jackie during the delivery. Guilt over this delay gets the better of her, and she sends Dan out to try and find him. Beverly reveals to Jackie that she was born with the name "Margorie", but that Roseanne had trouble saying it, calling her "My Jackie" instead, and the name stuck.

Audrey cries to Dan about his father owing her money, so he confronts Ed, hoping he will do the right thing. Jackie and Fred go out on a "get to know you better" date, in hopes of building an honest, solid relationship. Jackie admits to Fred the fact that she has had a lot more sexual partners than he has, causing a rift, and a step backwards in the relationship they are trying to build. D.J. goes through a rebellious stage.

Dan's mother, Audrey, is put into a mental institute, and Dan blames the years of neglect by his father for her emotional problems. Determined to confront his Dad, he shows up at Ed's second wife, Crystal's house drunk and destructive. Crystal, tired of Dan blaming everything on her husband, tells Roseanne a secret about Audrey that had been kept from Dan his whole life. Dan is mortified an filled with disbelief about Crystal's revelations. The older Conner-Healy kids work overtime to make D.J. think he might be crazy too.

Darlene discovers that D.J. has been sneaking off after to school to attend church; D.J. gives Roseanne a hard time about morals when she accepts a mistaken delivery of a second stove at the diner.

Roseanne finds out Bev didn't get injured by slipping in the shower like she told everybody. Fred plans to propose to Jackie.

Fred climbs out of the doghouse with Jackie by gathering inspiration from her soaps, and figuring out a romantic way to propose to her. David climbs into the doghouse with Darlene by commenting that it's a woman's obligation to bear children. Dan joins David in the doghouse when his attempt to be romantic with Roseanne fall short. Roseanne dreams of being romanced by the men on One Life to Live (1968).

Fred is unsettled by the fact that Jackie turns to Dan, and not him, when she needs help from a man. Upset, convinced that Jackie has feeling for Dan, and half-drunk, Fred confronts Dan, takes a swing at him, and tells Jackie that maybe they shouldn't get married, but offers no explanation. Dan tells Roseanne, who tells Jackie what is really troubling Fred, and they both have a good laugh at the idea. Clearing the air paves the way for Fred and Jackie's wedding.