Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker (Episode IX)

A horrible mess that intends to fix the previous horrible mess, trying fan service all too late. The story is so bad the books being released are attempting to backtrack and fill plotholes( i wont use examples for those that have not seen) its the most genuine attempt to make the movies as they could have been. Some might find it some simple fun, hard to imagine anyone seeing this as a classic in years to come

A plot that seems more patched together than Frankenstein's monster, with the glue made out of member berries. A lot of member berries. The problems start with the word crawl at the beginning and the first hour is more or less cut scene and after cut scene dumping as much information as possible in an effort to patch the story after The Last Jedi threw any resemblance to a coherent story away. Did no one proof read the plot? That's an honest question from myself. I'm trying to avoid anything too spoilerish in this review so I'll try to be vague yet try and explain my concerns. It's essentially go here to get the Mcguffin, then go there, and now here, here is next..... I can live with that but when multiple key plot points are contradicting themselves such as: "Rather than just surprise attacking my enemies, I'm going to broadcast what I plan to do to everyone in the galaxy and give them time to stop me!" or "if you kill me I shall possess your body !" *get killed by character a few minutes later and nothing happens* or "you must kill character!" which swiftly becomes "you must bring character to me!" or "I must sacrifice myself to get you key piece of information" *no one gives a damn at all and in fact treats them as trash* or "I hate the character sooooo much I will cripple the organisation that I work for just to hurt them, regardless of the consequences rather than take their place in the organisation" or "Snokes just part of my crop, I've got hundreds of 'em" There are many many more but then I'd pretty much be writing out the entire script. Moving on. As the trailer suggested Emperor Palpatine is there on what seems to be a grey version of the Golden Throne from Warhammer 40K keeping him alive (did JJ get franchises mixed up again?) and it seems that although he's old, having a Death Star blew up around you really does wonders for your skin and can remove any scars you had on your face. "How did he survive?" you may ask. No details are given. I don't think it's a clone as why would you give yourself an old body? Damn I'm sliding into spoiler territory again. The Knights Of Ren are there. Just there. Don't really do anything. The First order now has more superweapons than ever before, hundreds of what are effectively Death Stars yet don't seem to know how to use them, except how to park them somewhere and bury them. They can't even navigate by themselves. The First Order is comically incompetent and are never a threat and with the end battle the people of the Galaxy with the Right to Bare Arms all arrive to defeat the Tyranny oppressing them with ridiculous ease (is that the message of the film that civilians should have weapons? I don't know any more). The charge of the light brigade on a Star Destroyer? With Alien horses? Really? Aargh! the more I think of this film the more I remember some new point that is just terribly written. Don't get me started with the awful method they used to include Carrie Fisher. On the plus side the film looks beautiful to look at. A lot of time and effort have gone into the visuals, and I take my hat off to the people who did so, which coupled with John Williams score provides an visual and audible feast (providing you do not engage your brain). A talented group of actors and actresses were wasted on this film and I can only image what great film existed in potential, if only they were given a decent script. In fact I'm pretty sure I put more thought into this review than actually went into making the plot for the film.

JJ "I'm not good at endings" Abrams should never have been allowed near Star Wars (or Star Trek) in the first place, & this load of incoherent "fan service" nonsense shows it. Its like it was written by Reddit/4Chan bottom feeders. All the reviews that are variations of "it's amazing, it fixes the insult that was The Last Jedi" seemingly would rather have a movie that invalidates the point of any Star Wars movie that wasn't made by Abrams, rather than a film that challenges the status quo.