Iron Mask

Great visuals but a confusing and disjointed story full of poor dialogue badly dubbed and not worth spending two hours of one's life upon. Sad as Jackie Chan and Arnold usually bring a lot to a story... but not this time. It is probably the worst Arnold or Jackie film I have ever seen. The colors and striking cinematography and special effects are its only redeeming features.

At this point in time, I am 100% convinced that Hollywood is hiring 13 year old teenage boys to write scripts and screenplays. Here, I am going to make up a new movie for Hollywood to produce next time. Uh let's see! We start off with a Amish teenage girl. She is the chosen one to find the Holy sandwich that controls the space monkeys. She has to fight the evil Taco race who have enslave humanity because they are tired of the space monkey shenanigans. At the end, just before the evil Taco king is going drown the girls mother in a vat of taco sauce, she looks inside herself and discovers she had the Holy sandwich all along. She ate it the night before when she was hangry and now she has the space monkeys fly in and use a broken microwave to cook the Taco king with microwave radiation that is too powerful and his lettuce hair gets wilted which of course is the source of his strength. And they all lived happily ever after. Sorry Jackie Chan and Arnold, but you guys are actors, you need to stick to acting and not making movies. This movie could have had some potential, if not for the bad voice dub over, out of place background music, rushed fight scenes, rushed story line, poor script writing, and over the top theatrics. It had me rolling my eyes half the time. Even the English speakers were about as good as those in B movie. About the only good part was the ending when the princess was fighting the 3 imposters, but even then, it could have been a lot better. Hollywood if you are reading this. Fly me out to Hollywood. I'll make a movie that people actually love and want to see. You don't need to pay me 30 million dollars to do it. I'll do it for $100,000 per year. The movie that I make will earn 500 million in revenue. Do we have a deal?

As a fan of historical novels, this did not do justice to the actual Man in the Iron Mask. This is multiple stories mixed together. Just a vehicle film with roles that pump up aged and fading action actors. The younger cast were great. The tie in to the Three Storms was cute but most viewers have little knowledge of that legend outside this spoof. Google rewards paid for it.