How to Buy a Baby

After answering questions about the type of child they are willing to adopt (did the birth mother use heroine during her pregnancy?), Jane and Charlie welcome their adoption worker, Stan, into their home, for an inspection. Baby gates, electrical outlets, missing railings, and an unassuming sex life are all put under the microscope to help determine if they’re ready to be parents.

Jane and Charlie attend their 27 hours of mandatory parenting training where they must wear name tags and participate in exercises and, really, who likes doing anything that requires wearing a name tag? Their casual glibness towards adoption is put in check as they consider, perhaps for the first time, the experience of the child they hope to parent.

Getting the attention of a birth parent mother will require an amazing online profile. But inputting their favourite books, music and food proves harder than they thought. How do you summarize the person that you are and the parent you hope to be in naming your favourite cereal? And what if the birth mother doesn’t like cereal?!

Jane and Charlie awkwardly attend a gender reveal party for one of Charlie’s cousins. Jane is horrified to discover that Charlie has sent their adoption profile to his mother, who in turn shared it with the rest of the family. Jane is put on the spot and helps a cousin commiserate about her inability to have a child - strike that - her inability to have a third child.

It’s happening! It’s finally happening! After months of not hearing from a single potential birth parent, Jane and Charlie finally have an adoption date with Sasha, a potential birth mother. Okay, so in all the times she’s dreamed of this moment, Jane didn’t picture Charlie showing up high (it was an accident!) or that Sasha’s boyfriend would come in her place, but it is no matter – Jane is certain that this is it.

Okay, sure, the last potential adoption match failed but this one is the one. For sure. It definitely is. Jane and Charlie are excited to have been chosen by Margot, another birth mother. A university student, Margot had been going back and forth about adoption her whole pregnancy but once she met Jane and Charlie she was certain she wanted to make an adoption plan for her precious baby.