Black Books

Fran comes home after a holiday in Cornwall to find that following the introduction of Manny's hand to a sandwich toaster, Bernard is living amongst mouldy books and dead badgers, and Manny is working next door at the extremely glossy Goliath Books, where he is decidedly out of place amongst creepy manager Evan and his army of hyper-efficient pastel-shirted followers. Armed with only a "doo-ti-to-doo" card (a card that elicits said sound when inserted into the corresponding slot on a computer) and an endless supply of muffins, Manny manages to resist Fran's rather self-serving attempts to drag him back to Bernard so that she has somewhere to hang out. Bernard's physical condition deteriorates rapidly without Manny's care ("I feel like I've been beaten up, underwater"), but Manny is soon questioning his choice of career as Evan demands an unthinkable sacrifice.

Fran leaves for the weekend to go to her friend Becky's hen party while Bernard and Manny, inspired by their latest children's books event, decide to write and illustrate a book for children. Bernard's first effort comes to over 1,000 pages, covers Stalin, a lens grinder, a broken marriage and a journalist in search of the truth and is possibly a little complex for kids. The subsequent masterpiece The Elephant and the Balloon could however lead them to international fame — and all the problems that come with it. Fran's hen party, meanwhile, is as disastrous as can be expected, thanks to a combination of Bananarama, a game of truth and bottle of alcohol possessing "a polar bear... bleeding on the label" (known as Life Cry). The booze starts flowing, and with it come the tears and recriminations…

Manny's extremely irritating parents, 'Moo-Ma' and 'Moo-Pa', unexpectedly drop by to stay after Bernard deletes Manny's answerphone messages. Bernard is immediately infuriated by their mere existence, not to mention their very annoying quirks and songs, but his patience — and Fran's nerves — are about to be tested when it's revealed that Manny's letters home have greatly embellished his actual accomplishments in life.

After a small win on the Grand National Bernard quickly gets addicted to gambling, leaving Fran and Manny in a bitter competition to sell as many books as possible. Soon horses aren't enough and Bernard finds himself taking part in an illegal poker game against a group of ruthless, often successful gamblers, including Dave 'Mouse Ear' Smith. Being utterly hopeless at cards, Bernard (now nicknamed The Gold Mine) loses everything, leaving Fran and Manny to hatch a plan to come up with the money before Bernard's debtors "Evict" him from his shop, £20,000, and / or legs.

Manny organises a book launch party at the shop with charismatic-but-smug travel writer Jason, and everyone starts falling for him and his stories of far-away adventure. Bernard, however, has other problems — following the death of his landlord, his building is now owned by a small cat to whom he must pay rent. Driven to destroy the cat's burgeoning real estate empire, he attempts to persuade an animal-loving pest exterminator to turn kitty hitman. His attempts fail and cause the exterminator to commit suicide. An attempt by Bernard to finish the job only results in Manny being injured.

On a slow Friday night, Manny suggests that the gang go to a party which will be attended by Rowena, a girl he likes very much. Instantly jealous, Bernard overcomes his natural reluctance with curiosity to see what kind of "so-called person" could find Manny attractive, Manny arms himself with an array of items to strategically leave about the house to give him an excuse to call her, and Fran checks her perfect new hairstyle. They return much later armed with a bizarre selection of alcohol, messed up hair, and a desire to dance very badly. An excess of beetroot liqueur gives Manny the courage to confront Bernard regarding his disdain for Manny's affection for Rowena — this brings forth a shocking revelation from Bernard, which is soon tarnished as Fran tells Manny the truth about Bernard.