Katy Brand's Big Ass Show

At Normal Farm, Kate Winslet cooks Sunday lunch. On Armed Forces TV, Captain Rosie Fielding discusses health and dieting with nutrition gurus Simon Putney and Jean Witchell. Schoolgirls Kate Moss, Sadie Frost and Stella McCartney are doing a math test. Caroline Little Treats wonders whether or not to have a glass of white wine with her lunch. Angelina Jolie has a new script set in the African jungle, and popstar Lily Allen drones on about the mundane things in life in her new song.

Kate Moss discusses sex with her schoolfriends Sadie and Stella, Kate Winslet does some very ordinary shopping at the butchers, Caroline Little Treats gets conflicting magazine advice on whether to share her boyfriend’s hobbies, or to have other interests and be independent. Captain Rosie Fielding talks about binge-drinking on The Woman’s Slot. The news anchorwomen feature the Mexican, a new exercise craze sweeping America, and Amy Winehouse’s latest song is about the joys of boozing into total oblivion.

Caroline is fired from her job as a borderline woman’s publicist. Kate Winslet takes her dogs out for a normal dog walk. Captain Rosie investigates alternative solutions to civilian stress. Schoolgirl Kate Moss is determined to raise enough money to buy booze. There are also spoofs of designers Coco Chanel and Karl Lagerfeld, as well as Shakira and Beyoncé.

Kate Winslet eats a normal breakfast just like her normal fans. Kate Moss tells Stella McCartney if she gets her good grades in science, she will make her look cool. Caroline Little Treats has done a relationship quiz in a magazine. Captain Rosie investigates the ethnicity of make-up. On the CNT News’ Book Club, the anchorwomen feature a controversial new book, Speaking Clitorally. And Coco Chanel and Karl Lagerfeld turn their fashion faces to shoes.

Kate Moss and Stella McCartney compete for the affections of the French exchange student. Kate Winslet in the local pub eating a very normal pub lunch. Caroline goes shopping for shoes. Angelina ‘Queen of the Jungle’ Jolie is kidnapped by Meg Ryan and Andie MacDowell. And the American news anchorwomen report the hard-hitting news from Afghanistan.

Kate Winslet is at a normal country village fete. Captain Rosie investigates the world of dating on The Woman’s Slot. It’s time for a lighter item on CNT news, as the anchorwomen invite international stylist and cosmetics guru, Panos Bitchy, onto the show. On the Southbank in London, total dude Lord Melvyn Bragg gets groovy with a couple of crackheads. Caroline goes shopping for a few little treats. And Mariah Carey sings a song that will get on your nerves.